Every love story is beautiful but there’s something extra special about love that has to wait. Long-distance love stories overcome obstacles and challenges and prove that true love will always find a way. We’ve spoken to dozens of long-distance couples around the world, and we’ve noticed some beautiful patterns in the stories we’ve heard. Although each journey will be different, generally there are 7 stages that long distance couples will transition through.
Every stage of a relationship has its own challenges but also its own beautiful moments. Through the past 2 years of back and forth across the continent, we have learned the ins and outs of a long distance relationship, and have the tips you need to keep your love alive and thriving. We also know the best ways to help you navigate the challenges you’ll face as an LDR couple.
No matter what stage you’re in, just know that your feelings and your relationship are valid! Check out our advice for the stages below! If you need support please reach out and email us- we’re happy to give advice or coaching or just be someone to talk to. What stage are you in? Contact us for some personalized advice.
Stage 1: First Meeting & Initial Attraction
Every couple remembers the moment they first met; whether it was love at first sight or those first sparks that set off a chain reaction. This is the first step in what could be a life changing love story.
These days many long distance relationships begin online. Countless beautiful ldr couples began their journey with a message through social media, gaming, or through an online dating platform. One little message can change your whole life. For us, that first message was the beginning of an unstoppable love that changed our lives for the better.
Other couples may have been friends at first, but something changes and suddenly there’s something there that wasn’t there before. Romantic feelings are always interesting to navigate when you have a history with the individual, as inside jokes take on a new level of significance. The love you share as friends grows deeper and stronger as you get to know them on a new level.
Our advice for this stage:
This stage is all about butterflies in your stomach, jitters in your heart and chasing them in circles around your head. These first few perfect moments are the best time to begin getting to know their inner person. Make time for conversations that bring you closer together, and be sure to enjoy the little things! Make notes of those sweet little habits that catch your eye: how their eyes focus when they concentrate, or the way their cheeks rise when they laugh. One day having notes to remember those first few weeks will make your heart soar.
Stage 2: Confronting the Distance and Beginning a Long Distance Relationship
Many long-distance relationships begin online, but there are also couples who are forced apart by circumstances like moving for a career, education, or a work opportunity. Some couples even meet while traveling abroad, and face distance when they return home. No matter how you end up with a gap between you, there is always a next step of confronting that distance.
A few important questions to ask yourself during this stage are:
- Is this relationship real to me? Is this relationship real to them?
- Will I treat this relationship with the respect it deserves, and recognize it as a real relationship despite the distance?
- How committed am I to remaining loyal to my partner?
- How loyal are they to their commitments?
- How long do we expect to be long distance?
Our advice for this stage:
Be Clear, Consistent, and Communicative! In a long-distance relationship, there are different challenges you will face as a couple. This doesn’t leave room for any mind games, casual playing with someone’s emotions, dishonesty, or vague communication. Your partner should know where you stand, and what you expect from a relationship. Use this stage to set clear expectations regarding how often you expect to communicate, meet in person, and arrange for quality time together.
It can be scary to have big conversations with someone you care about but keep in mind that the couples that survive an LDR are the ones who are serious about their relationship.
Stage 3: Calling Constantly and Planning Long-Distance Dates
Puppy love, simping, twitterpated, the honeymoon stage: Whatever you call it those first moments of a relationship are always amazing! When we first started dating, we couldn’t stop talking to each other.
We were obsessed.
Our video calls would go on for hours and we were always making plans to spend time with each other. When you’re in a long distance relationship, even the longest phone call is never long enough.
Setting aside time for quality communication set our relationship up for success. Try setting a once a week “Date Night” for you and your partner to do something special like bake together, watch a movie, play games, or do a meal together. For a real challenge, try organizing a fun virtual date every month: here are 12 Virtual Dates for Each Month of the Year.
Our advice for this stage:
Try to connect as much as you can. Even while playing video games there is room for conversations that help you get to know more about how they approach life.
A GREAT way we’ve found to add another level of connection is by using Friendship Lamps. These touch-activated lamps are connected online and you are able to light up your partner’s lamp from across the world. We like to show we love each other by sending a little glowing goodnight. I also use my lamp to let him know I’m home, or when I’m ready to video call. It’s a great way to connect on another level while you’re apart and makes for a great gift. Click here to get yours for 15% off!
Although you can’t always spend time together, don’t neglect setting aside time to connect. Scheduling a fun and creative date night is a great way to give yourself something to look forward to and also shake up your usual routine of video calls. See all LDR Games, Date Ideas, and Activities by clicking here.
Stage 4: Sending Love Letters, Gifts, and Care Packages
One of my favorite things about being in a long-distance relationship is that you have the perfect excuse to send and receive love letters. It doesn’t get much more romantic than that! My heart flutters when I receive a love letter from my partner. Reading it feels like a warm hug and it feels so special to have a piece of them close to my heart. Many times I’ve been brought to tears by something sweet he wrote just for me.
Our advice for this stage:
If you are in a long distance relationship and don’t write love letters: This is your sign to start!!! It doesn’t cost much and will give your partner something to look forward to and cherish while you are apart.
As your relationship grows, you’ll also have a written record of your journey together and a beautiful way capture your love story and memories.
When you’re sending care packages, skip on sending things that will eventually get thrown out and use the space to send something you know they’ll appreciate and use. I think sending someone’s favorite snacks is a great way to show them they are loved from far away.
One of my favorite care packages was a Valentine’s Day themed package. I painted the inside of the box and stuck on some fun stickers so that when he opened it he would get a burst of color and love. Included were hand-baked cookies (that somehow stayed fresh in a ziplock bag), some chips and chocolates from my country, a Friendship Lamp for us to stay connected, and of course a hand written love letter.
Stage 5: Travelling and Meet-Ups
After weeks or months apart you have finally made it: it’s time to see your partner again. The first trip to see your significant other while in a long distance relationship is SO EXCITING.
What to pack, what to say, what to do when you see them! I love seeing beautiful videos of LDR reunions in airports and train stations of couples who are overwhelmed with love and affection when they see each other after weeks or months apart.
The first time I visited my partner, I was so nervous on the flight that the passengers around me were a little concerned. I was so excited and anxious and a bundle of butterflies. You can hear a little more about the first time we met on the International Love Stories Podcast.
Our advice for this stage:
During this time you can be so buzzing with all the preparations that you forget what to pack! Click here for some useful Pinterest Lists. Be sure to travel safe and always let family or friends know your destination and travel details.
I also recommend bringing a gift for that first meeting from your area. I brought Maple Syrup and Canadian candies for his family and I think it made a great first impression. Flowers at the airport are also incredibly sweet and show so much thoughtfulness!
Once you’re together, make sure to cherish each moment! You know what they say, that “time flies when you’re having fun.” Plan activities and dates that you can’t do virtually and make quality time for each other. Try not to think about the return trip, and focus on the love you feel being together.
With reunions, comes also farewells. It hurts to separate from the one you love, but remember that strong love will always find a way despite the distance. Click here for a helpful guide about how to make goodbyes easier in a long distance relationship.
Stage 6: Post Visit Depression & Organizing Next Steps
Most people you’ll talk with don’t fully understand is how much the separation can affect you.
But we get it. We’ve been where you are now. Our longest time apart was 7 months, and during that time we had no idea when we would see each other again. It was a long lonely winter, but we survived the chill of isolation and came out stronger.
Some LDR couples face extreme stress, anxiety, and even serious challenges with mental health while separated from their loved one. If you need support, be sure to reach out to mental health helplines and professionals in your area.
During this time you may also be considering the next steps in your relationship and asking yourself some big questions.
- When are we going to meet up again?
- Are they the one?
- When do we see ourselves closing the distance?
- Do I see myself marrying this person?
- Should I propose?
- How does immigration work?
- When we eventually close the distance, who will move where?
Our advice for this stage:
Be sure to spend time with friends and family to help fight the isolation and loneliness you may be facing when you’re separated. It can be tempting to lock yourself inside on a video call, but be sure to keep yourself engaging with others and work variety into your daily life.
Something that really helped me get through the isolation of 2020 was weekly video calls with some girlfriends.
It’s also a good idea to use this additional free time to work on yourself, focus on your hobbies, and enjoy the time to grow.
As a couple, make sure to support each other and work to lift each other up when you feel down or have an especially tough day apart.
When it comes to the next steps, be sure to have open communication and make sure you’re on the same page. Don’t force your partner into any decisions they aren’t ready for, and make sure that you both talk out all the possibilities and next steps.
Stage 7: Closing the Distance for Good
Closing the distance and beginning a life together is always the goal of a serious relationship, and it’s something that loving couples can really look forward to. No more poor connection for video calls, no more anxiety over booking travel, no more long flights and endless drives, no more time zone calculations, and finally NO MORE DISTANCE!
It’s a lot of work but it’s worth it in the end. Once you’re reunited you can start your life together and enjoy the little things that regular couples might take for granted.
Our advice for this stage:
Be sure to give yourself lots of time to adjust to the changes that you’ll be experiencing. Although this is a time of celebration, it’s also a time period where there’ll be a lot of compromises. Your schedules, preferences, and cultures are different and sometimes those differences will take time. The cure to these points of friction is a heavy hand of patience, flexibility, and continued strong communication.
Be patient with your partner and with yourself as you adjust to life together and make sure to be considerate with regards to their preferences.
Be flexible with your expectations, and allow for space to feel all the emotions that are tied into closing the distance.
Be a strong communicator with your partner and make sure to not just let them know how you’re feeling but also to ask them how they are feeling with the adjustments.
When difficulties arise, don’t forget to look back on how far you’ve come. Read through old texts and love letters and think back on how long you’ve dreamt of this moment. We each have shoeboxes of special moments and memories that one day we will turn into a scrapbook that captures the time of our long distance relationship.
If you’ve reached this stage, CONGRATULATIONS! You have defeated the distance!
We would love to hear your story and your advice for other long distance couples. Connect with us today!